The Only Living Neanderthal in New York

I once knew a Neanderthal, he frequented 4th street

He blew down Katz’s Deli, the State took him out to eat

They said, “Boy, you’re a hairy thing,” so he threw his cap

He terrorized Manhattan, but by Brooklyn he took a nap

Now he’s a friend of mine, though he’s wanted by the City and the State

Some lunatic conspirators say he murdered Sharon Tate

But you and I know better, he’s a victim of the times

He’d vote for GOP men if he could get their rhymes

A lady from the City was looking for an ape

Her husband liked to bite her and she wanted an escape

I told her, “this here monkey, well, he’ll eat most anything”

She doubted me so quickly that well, I just had to sing:

You can’t teach a Neanderthal the same tricks as a boy

He won’t quit flinging grapevines and won’t care if you’re coy

If you let him buy a house with you he won’t pay off the loan

Just tell him, “Get behind me,” though you know he’s flesh and bone.

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