Archive for May, 2012

(Think I Had A) Meat Spin

May 30, 2012

You know, every St. PATTY’S Day, I forget all the BEEFS I have with people. I TRI-TIP waitresses, I give poor people a STEAK, and even if the PIGS have me CORNED in an alley, I don’t CHICKEN out or go on the LAMB. I also bring home the BACON so I can afford to travel to Vegas where I can PIG out, play the SLAUGHT machines, and watch some HAM actor get ROASTED with some FOWL language. Or perhaps I’ll go to MosCOW or KraCOW, but probably not DaCOW. There’s MUTTON stopping me from exploring. Lots of cool homeSLICES to MEAT. I want to do as much as I can before they put me in my GRAVY.

 

CHORUS:

Think I had a meat spin

Don’t you touch that Wheat Thin

Ooo ooo ooo ooo, meatspin.

 

 

 

ACHTUNG!: Contrary to what my pomes “Multiple Meats” and “Meat Spin” may suggest to you, your friends at Popeye Squirm also recommend gratuitous helpings of vegetables. Without them, you could die! 

New Characters for the Johnny Lurg Saga

May 16, 2012

1) Mick Juggalo: Brick Maldonado’s new arch-nemesis, a fan of the Insane Clown Posse, and a dead ringer for the Joker. Mick is the bastard son of State Senator Abel Maldonado (making him Brick’s long-lost cousin)  and a carnival prostitute. In his youth, he ran away from the Mid State Fair to work at the McDonald’s next to Cork and/or Bottle. Speaking of Cork, their notorious barkeep had Mick arrested for attempting to purchase Playboy Magazine’s Marge Simpson issue the day before his 18th birthday.

2) Jimmyjam Wilkins: An undergrad at Henry and June Miller University in Tulsa, California. Studying architectural engineering with a minor in music theory. Was raised a vegan but now partakes in beef consumption. Creator of the amazingly unpopular “Preston the Dinosaur” Flash animation series on Newgrounds.com, which is partially based upon his childhood in Murfreesboro, CA and his rivalries with triplet redheaded bullies from the local trailer park. His real name is not James, but Jacob. He has seen the Dead Milkmen 32 times in concert since the age of 13.

Hot Ovens in the Summertime (parody of “What I Got” by Sublime)

May 16, 2012

Early in the morning, drive out to the store

Pickin’ up new furniture to stack up on my floor

Gotta find a reason…able price that’s on

A brand new shiny oven that’ll last all summer long

I got me some stove gas, if I sniff it then I’ll die

I can use my microwave to make my hamster fry

Ovens are what I bought, I said remember that!

Ovens are what I bought, and I got one free!

NEXT UP, “Holiday in Chlamydia” (parody of “Holiday in Cambodia” by the Dead Kennedys)

The File-Sharer’s Mixtape

May 11, 2012

1. Nirvana – Half the Man I Used to Be

2. Smashing Pumpkins – Rats

3. Gorillaz – Sunshine in a Bag

4. Cat Stevens – Cats in the Cradle

5. They Might Be Giants – The Beer Song

6. Gorillaz – The Windmill Song

7.  Bob Marley – Smoke Two Joints

8. Sublime – I’ve Seen Better Days

9. Hall & Oates – She’s a Maniac

10. Weird Al Yankovich – Which Backstreet Boy is Gay

11. Weird Al Yankovich – What if God Smoked Cannabis

12. Weird Al Yankovich – Sesame Street on Crack

13. Weird Al Yankovich – Barney’s on Fire

14. Weird Al Yankovich – With Legs Wide Open

15. Weird Al Yankovich – Cat in the Kettle

16. Weird Al Yankovich – Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep