I’ve Been Everything (parody of “I’ve Been Everywhere” by Johnny Cash)

PSYCHIATRIST: Vell, the test results are in.

PATIENT: And?

PSYCHIATRIST: You have paranoid schizophrenia.

PATIENT: I’ve been making a list of all the mental disorders you’ve diagnosed me with, and that was one of the two I didn’t previously have.

PSYCHIATRIST: Making a list?  You must also have obsessive compulsive disorder.

PATIENT: Well, in that case…

(bursts into song)

CHORUS

I’ve had everything, Doc

Every last mood swing, Doc

At being things I’m king, Doc

It’s a wonder I can sing, Doc

Just call me the DSM, Doc

‘Cuz I’ve been everything

I’ve been schizo, pyro, loco, psycho, klepto, homo, nympho, mellow,

Arachno, socio, sounds like a bad joke y’know!

CHORUS

 

I’ve been Aspergers, depressed, autism, test stressed, ADD, OCD, SAD, ODD, dyspraxia, dyslexia, someone oughta inspectya!

Altered CHORUS

I’ve had everything, Doc

But I’m not tickled pink, Doc

For it makes me think, Doc

That you really stink, Doc

You’re a crappy shrink, Doc

‘Cuz I’ve been everything!

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