The Kirk Kronikles


            In this frightfully unpredictable world we live in, there are but two things we all can be sure of: I am lost and I won’t be found anytime soon.  When I say I’m lost, I don’t mean physically, because right now I am typing this on a virus-infested computer in a one-story house on a certain cul de sac.  Physically I know where I am, and you would too if I wanted to murder Privacy, who is obviously a really nice guy.  To everyone.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Privacy was always in the friend zone, he’s so nice.

Anyhoo, I am emotionally/spiritually/mentally lost, or so says my latest shrink.  I tend to agree.  For one, don’t get me started on my politics.  If I’m such a flaming liberal, then why do I dislike the people who I deem to be “druggies” and “sluts?”  If I don’t embrace & participate in free love and recreational substance use & abuse, I must be a conservative, right?  Also, what kind of liberal supports Israel?  I mean, the only people who ever supported that state are foot-washing Baptists and Jewish supremacists, both of those groups conservative as Antarctic ice!  Being of Jewish ancestry is no excuse for supporting such a genocidal strip of land, say my acquaintances the true liberals, the ones who indulge in both hallucinogens and difficult college courses, but still find success by balancing the two.  I’m not one of those people.  I’m not one of too many types of people.  I thought I was legitimately autistic (Asperger’s to be specific, as I rarely am) for six months, but years later, a shrink cast me out of what I was cast into, paving the way for my alienation.

I wish I wasn’t lost sometimes, but I guess I must accept the state I’m in (or out of) at some point in my life.  I should accept that all my noteworthy peers are either succeeding their asses off at private colleges or working their way towards said private colleges.  I’m the only noteworthy nineteen-year old who’s going nowhere in life.

So why then am I noteworthy?  Because I say I am.  And that’s a start.

Now that I have started to find everything that I made myself lose for whatever reason, I will also start this novella (which is the only type of book God gave me the attention span to write).  It will start by reintroducing two characters, Kirk & Jezebel, from my first novella, All the Wrong Dudes.  An unmarried couple consisting of a “druggie” and a “slut” respectively, they should be the tools by which I find myself.  But just in case these are the absolute worst characters I could have dreamed up (as “druggies” and “sluts” often are), I may be saved by future protagonists.  Until then, may the apparently nonexistent gods be with me.


With just a sprinkling of self-parody,

Popeye Squirm 7/4/10


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