Schtuff from an Old Notebook #1

Road to Righetti (Track One)

On the joyride to the coppers’ lair.

As we roll by, the sirens blare _

On the joyride to the ____

As we blaze by, the pedestrians stare_

On the___________

5*0’s on our tail and smoke on the air

on the joyride

The Martian Cronmakers (Track 2)

*This is my contribution to half-ass punk*

Once there was this kid who _

Once there was this girl who

Got a strange contraction…

1. Road to Righetti

2. The Martian Cronmakers

3. The Nicktoons Song

4. Waiting for my Shiksa

5. Ugoff Tripe (Without Meat)

6. Kung-Fu

7. Smells Like the Upchucks

8. Oh Snap! Episode One

9. Ionic Blondes

11. Namesake

12. ’07 Laureate

14. David Van Driessen

15. Green River Reflections

16. Zach Miller

17. Ballad of the Poltergeist

18. Handshark

19. We Can’t All Be Gems

20. We Eat Caviar

21. The Grunge Table

22. Your Chasm

23. Sounds of Seinfeld

24. Positively Court Street (originally “The Gods”)

24. Green River (Original)

25. FPA Rag

26. The Third World

27. Without School

28. June

29. Song on the Wall

30. Life of a Sim

31. Slotown


I Earn Poetry

I chose this job so therefore I earn poetry


The Last of Popeye Squirm by Anonymous.

“If I ever receive a Wikipedia page (and I will!), may it be for some ‘good’ thing, and not for crime. What if John Wilkes Booth’s plays were better than say, Jim Carrey’s movies? Even ‘Horton Hears a Who?’ at that?”

-Popeye Squirm XIV, Jr.
Scene One: Lotto MacNat’s house.

LOTTO: OK, all you hooligans!

WHAT? Miss America

A + F 1892


can’t do / say that.

Did anyone realize that Popeye Squirm’s getting less bright each year?




A Nerd: Jerkell

D.B. Mosey Jerkel (Jr.), lazy physics geek.

Animation Ideas for STV:

Abiram Jerkel

Dr. Dathan Jerkel

Hellen Enid Lloydwords



Helena Skoodge

Enid Skoodge Hellena

Vice Head Honcho

New Hidden Traxx

1. Zach Miller / The Third World / Cirque du Missino / W.S.

2. Untitled (Eggs)

3. C. Montgomery Picard’s Peanut Butter Rave

4. Green River Reflections


Aesop Rock


Mr. Lif

Danger Doom

Cool Calm Pete


Dr. Dre

Kirkus: No! Can’t you see I’m trying to wean you away from that kinda stuff. think, feel, + breathe only one food group — eggs.

I’d like to thank all the celebs who I have ripped off during the past hour: Bradley Nowell, Janis Joplin, Led Zeppelin, Billy Joel, Pink Floyd, Paul Simon, Mike Judge, Weird Al Yankovic, the Crash Test Dummies, Frank Zappa, Sir Mixalot, Kurt Cobain, Dr. Dre, Will Smith, Tom Waits, Danny Stein, Marshall Mathers, Craig Bartlett, Tom Khanschenk, AC/DC, Jim Henson, Tom Petty, Steven Spielberg, Green Day, and the rest! Goodnight!

deeez hearts
Met you in the lounge back in 2002

How is this?

The Crowds

There are faces I’ve known since I started class

They’re people I’ve known since years past

People change and faces melt

They assume the cards they are delt

They part in their crowds

They become different

They worry if they’re well endowed

Oh, the insecurity!

Oh, the metamorphisis into bitch-dome

Oh, we’re so cool

The false idea of freedom

Oh, arn’t we dull

I Sparknoted Upton Sinclair…

Ther was a time, I admit, when I was ashamed

To be seen out in public with you alone

Teenage years, they ain’t always easy

Sunday morning, we’d head out of the house

Well, I hear

In the evening, please say I

Well, I’m not stuck-up

Yeah, I’m not stuck-up


This should be one of our songs

I Won’t Back Down

Well, I won’t back down

Well, I won’t back down

You can act stuck-up and toss me like a cup

But I’ll stand my ground

And I won’t back down

Well I like my mind

Though it’s slow sometimes

At spelling it’s quick but if I layed a brick

It’d crumble town

But I won’t back down

And you’re so damn mean
Yet you’re no prom queen

You make every day seem like Halloween

You made-up clown

And I won’t back down

You’re a brain machine

I won’t back down

I won’t back down

I won’t back down

Miley Cyrus, you’re a jib

Go suck a dick!

Opening presents for x-mas, you’re not not missing anything


If you’re looking for pleasure

It’s a moment or two away

You can find it anywhere you try

But if you look for perfection

Honesty = Johnny C.

Johnny C.

If you have insomnia

You just might need some pills

To keep you from questioning your sleep

And if you have a couple bucks, rush down to Captain Thrills

Who knew a goth cartoon could be so deep?

Johnny C.–the best comic I know

For the outcast, the oddball, and you

Johnny C.–Squee, and Devi D.!

All of them are something new

Christmas time

Christmas cheer

Driving one to drink

I need a beer…

1. The Peace Zone

2. Magic Red Shoes


I remember an old strip in which Johnny hung a guy

Who claimed he wasn’t scared of Johnny C.

And in another strip, Johnny got to die

And woke up to meet his fan Jimmy…


Green Tangerine?

Yellow Submarine?

Esau’s Christmas w/ the Dathans ideas:

I. “You know what Abiram did?”

“You mean with giving his dogs vasectomies + all?”

“Yes, and these weren’t just any dogs. They were gay mutts.”

“I could’ve sworn those were frankenfurter Dachshunds.”

“Well, that was in the mix, Esau.”

“So, this one patient of mine says he’s only jealous of promiscuous girls. I mean, what should I say to that? I prescribed him Prozac.”

Dathan scooted one slimy piece of pork steak onto Dinha’s plate.

“See if he wants ’em girls now.”


Phallusy Male Enhancement

“Action Jack!”

“Whenever I see a guy who takes anything but Phallusy, why, I just keep on walking!” -Sara Cumsucca.


Shall I look through ignant eyes or ignore the stare?

rush of the Darfurcoats.


Voices from Theatre

Dear God, I pray that these soon will end.

The boasts and the boors.

The rush of the egos.

The crash of the back door.

The two-faced idol.


The theatre click has to be greased. Now I can’t hear the clicking.


I hope I did you justice.

The crash of the back door.

One man’s meat is murder. Some is not kosher. It’s all meat to me.

1. Namesake

2. Friendship

3. ’07 Laureate

4. Your Chasm

5. Tree of Time

6. Life of a Sim

8. Zach Miller

9. David

10. Song on the Wall

11. Blue Eyes White Dragon

12. Owl Eyes

13. Sea-Rat

14. Third World

15. Poltergeist

16. June

17. Lilith

18. Tomcats

19. Snakes

20. Without School

21. Cirque du Missino

22. Returning to the Garden

23. The Gods Must Be Schizoid

24. Last of the Demons

25. Angst

26. The Only Living Neanderthal

27. Vanity Farce

28. The Brown Barrel.

I never knew…

Sorrow knows me better now,

Before I loved

There is no old man in the sky. There is no happiness above.

But fear is my acquaintance, before we had just met.

Leave me, leave me now

Leave me so I forget

One day I’ll lay down and sleep

And I will keep sleeping

There is no soul to keep

The devil does the reaping

It is now that I’ve won the war

devise upon his ignite

Do you remember the neverending rhymes?

When Disney had its magic, it still hid all its…

Once there was an agrarian of art.

He smoked too much he cursed God when he spoke.

At one point he could create

Where will I find your third dimension?
I could mumble, “Get behind me,” but I know you’re flesh and bone

The bittersweet man approached me today.

He was looking for a pair to grow.
What do you think of me

Is it for them when you slam the door?

I wonder if you are satisfied!

What does my image say to you?

When I claim I try, I often lie

So am I transparent to you as well?

Is it a matter of privacy or shame?

Brad Armpitt?

Life can be funny, I shall not doubt.

420 is my enemy, I shall not want.

If I were Zac Efron would you still take me?

And if you were a gardener’s one, would I still love you?

Fuck dances

Would you take me to the prom if I was Zac Efron?

And would I take you to the prom if you were a gardener’s one.

Would you take me to the dance if I was from France?

Simon + Gordunkel?


Phycho Folk


Simon & Garpunkel

I am a rock

I am an island

And a rock feels no pain

And an island never cries…


I said there’s a place that’s no longer yours

Your drunken eyes couldn’t of cared

I knew the songs weren’t enough for you

I saw you put vodka in your mug.

On the streets of black ice

And you in this song

Oh Lord I once had a critic

He said my album is a mess

If you don’t stop recording

There’s a world that escaped you

It’s last been found within a pub

I said, there’s a world which escaped you

And it’s last been found in a pub

We were drinking such violent coffee

But the music contained the drug.

So you’re off, to start again smoothly

Back to when you were tough

You’re off again to starting smoothly

Back to when you loved the course

You were an angel, no sniffs and no swearing

Ridin’ through time on a pale virgin horse

He flies the flag they find futile

Structure fire?

Sublime pawns.

As my mom was talking about how bad cigarettes are and lung cancer I craved a cigarette. I also had a soar throat. At this time I realized, “Hey, maybe I have a problem” Best X-mas ever!!!

“Yessir, I am a card-carrying member of the Junior Anti-Sex League.”

Sid Phillis + Jonnee Cotton

Daedalus meanwhile was The Blackest of White Folk

smell the pause
I got a Dalmatian

I can still get fly

I can play the keytar like a muh’fuggin’ 1992 Rodney King 1960’s Watts riot…

When Jesus Hussein Christ Goose-Steps

A bad movie for bad people


Barry and the Skeleton Men

The skeleton men, they have killed many a sailor

They hold up the twilight with their arms

It was every admiral around to be the jailer

To release the boneheads in rat farms

There is one little savior, his name is Barry

I wonder if he’ll succeed at his vision

He never posed as a skeleton man, as well as I’m aware

But he could end the violence if we listen.

Opening the Sky

I want to open the sky with my verses

The pattern is like an unpublished rhyme

So I read at the library to lukewarm applause

And compiled an eponymous magazine

Syd and the Sea-Rat frolick under one cover

Atlantis seems like a friend to me now

It took me three weeks to complete an untitled poem

My quirks may outshine Stephen Chbosky’s “Perks”

Eatin’ blue moonbeams, gazin’ through my room’s curtains

Each one of my words tells a secret

Be careful, first impressions are deceiving

Turn to Without School, the angst-ridden one from sophomore year

This is the class where the amateurs critique

So “Blue Eyes” became a yarn about a lost heiress

“Owl Eyes” warns of the Judgment Day

“Glass” and “Nature Scares Me” are the poster-children of filler.

“Your Chasm” once had a second verse.

Each one of my words tells a dark secret.

The poems are my treasures, I shall not forget.

chaffeur shabbas.

1. Namesake

2. Camp

3. Life of a Sim

4. All that Geography

5. Monkey Island

6. In the Bleachers

7. Aluminium Age

8. Nature Scares Me

9. Tree of Time

10. Syd

11. Your Chasm

12. Sea-Rat

13. Owl Eyes

14. Angst

15. Peace Man

16. The Brown Barrel

17. Sideshow Bob

18. Jumping Frog

19. Song of Squirm

21. When She Was Good

22. Snakes

23. Cirque Downtown

24. Zach Miller

25. Haiku
26. The B.S. Hour

27. The Only Living…

28. Vanity Farce

29. Theories

31. Friendship

32. Blue Eyes W.D.

33. Laureate

34. She Grind

35. June

36. Seinfeld, Frasier & Friends

37. Preps and Rebels

38. Lilith

39. Returning

40. Haiku #2

The Bards looked

Where’s Your Edge?

I’m sorry you’re rich


pocket full o’ shells

Blow the Chaffeur It’s the Chai Holy Daze

Bill Nye the Anti Guy?
He was a clown of immense proportion

Allowing his machinery to crack lame riddles and puns about inertia

She was a mag model and Veggietales admiring celeb with Luke in one hand and Buddha in the other

He accepted the former.

The Ballad of Mike and Tyler

Tyler was a man who delighted many a boy

A sharp-witted man and rugged

He said to the fish, “Grow up and be like me”

And he used his allies as his puppies

Tyler was a man, a chicken dinner gulping cad

His followers were wise and small

One little fanatic named Mike Fire

Has made Tyler love them all.

Los Osos kids only want to smoke pot + be hippies.

Theatre Click – Turns into Voltron (evil)

Unitled New Poem

When Amputeagull roamed the heavens

Preppy girls never looked at me

Until I looked them down

And wondered if they were three-dimensional

Like I was

Then they’d huttle about and start pointing fingers.

And catch me red-handed.

With their false green thumbs,

false eyelashes, false eyeteeth

False brunette bangs, false fluorescent outfits, etc.

they transformed me into a 2.5-dimensional delinquent.

When Amputeagull roamed the heavens

I knew many facts

Now that he’s my school’s Van Gogh

I forgot them.

28. Veela?

29. Winky’s Pub

30. 14’9”

31. Proving My Worth I

32. Forgot About Satan

33. Proving My Worth III

34. The Grunge Table Pts. 1 + 3

35. The Grunge Table

36. The Grunge Table

Monkey Island

I learned a lot from The Secret of Monkey Island

It taught me which chemicals you mix

To make grog and dog pills

It taught me that smokers choke on your stogies

It told me to call bald guys “cannonball head”

And to call sentimental cooks “old sots”

It taught me to be rude to half-naked hermits

It also left me to wonder whether a cannibal or a hermit is superior

Pirates vs. Ninjas? C’mon!

It taught me to steal false idols, and to never trust a sheriff

Because he’s probably an evil ghost in disguise.

it taught me to scare strangers’ pet rats

And to free prisoners from their cells

It even taught me how to use gunpowder

I won’t mention the trespassing in Maniac Mansion

or the vandalism in Zak McKracken

But you get my point.

On Imagery

If you want imagery-drenched poetry

You’re probably a male white bread entrepreneur

With oversized designer spectacles furnished with pricy jade frames and Elton John lavender lenses

You probably put the parental blocks on MSNBC and PBS so your 2.13 boarding school educated little ones will be safe and rarely see a mere minority who’s more privileged than them

‘Nuff sed.

“evil erik.”

Once upon a time

We passed on the courtyard

Me in my tennis shoes

You in your lovely car

I waved but forgot to smile

I thought of you atop a velcro stage

I heard your maven call

Fat hobos haven’t been homeless 4 that long.

The Maven

And when you turned to me

Your voice calm as the breeze

Monarchs cluttered in my heart

Like flakes pushed in a fishbowl

You were so sweet!

And now the fourth month falls

I felt a moon’s contempt

Your pretty mind has changed

But you aren’t the only one.

Among the stars I see her smile.

Within my room I hear her hearty giggle.

Even in the comfort of my computer she lurks.

Rugrats was itchy nationality.

Everyone’s gone AWOL

But the poet still remains


There ought to be a class on subtlety

Then Disney villains might learn how to act

Cruella De Vil’s a dead ringer to anyone over five

“Now we are six”–who the hey plotted in the 100 Acre Wood?

Perhaps it was Rabbit, Piglet, or even Owl.

That place showed talent.
Hear me, Scar?



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