P. F. Squirm’s Almanack

1. Like planet, like sun.
2. Your mother spits at your image.
3. It looks like a sham punk from here.
4. My roommates fight like Katz and Dogg.
5. His mark is worse than his might.
6. The back pops here.
7. Thyme costs money.
8. It’s all about carnival of the fetish.
9. It looks like the bawl’s in your snort.
10. Another one fights the lust.
11. When Bush comes to shove, it’s moo or die.
12. It’s like shooting Phish from a barrel.
13. I think you’re gasping at bras.
14. I still hang on to a Zimmer of dope.
15. Keep your features tossed.
16. I see spite at the friend of a tattle.
17. My parents panned their hopes for me.
18. Why not shoot yourself? Who knows, you may be reincarnated on the moon.
19. What makes a sound, becomes a sound.
20. You’ll get your just brinners.
21. Are you rolling my keg?
22. This looks like The Blow Job. I thought I told you, I don’t want to see anymore Andy Warhol films.
23. I think she’s just spanking your brain.
24. He pulled the whale over his size.
25. He hasn’t got a Henny to his name.
26. They gasped all the way to the grave.
27. Honey doesn’t glow on bees.
28. Put your funny where your mouth is.
29. He’s rolling in blow.
30. There’s no such thing as a twee punch.
31. For what it’s worth, he weighs more now than he would in gold.
32. She’s shorn as a track.
33. He’s not preying with a full neck.
34. I can’t bite my way out of a tapir trap.
35. It was just a Wayne Knight stand.
36. Why be so swig-headed?
37. I ate a bad caul with the last mullet.
38. I shigged when I should have shagged.
39. Keep your woes to the tombstone.
40. It ain’t over until the frat lady swings.
41. This alignment’s got no Boehner.
42. At least he went out in a craze of gory.
43. It’s a mutter of gov. and talk.
44. I’ll have to burn the Twilight books tonight.
45. He who lives by the horde dies from the horde.
46. At least you’ll get your soot in the jar.
47. That rebbe’s got the long peyes.
48. We’ve got to start drinking offside the rocks.
49. He’s betting over the pill.
50. You’ll make runny hand owners kissed.