Destroy All Mayonnaise (parody of “Destroy All Lawyers” by Mojo Nixon)

There’s some dreck there on my hoagie

Made from vinegar and yolks

The schmucks at Richard’s Deli

Spread this schmutz for all the folks

They even include it in The Works

Those goyische sandwich artist jerks

Destroy all mayonnaise

Destroy all mayonnaise

Rinse it out with Cel-Rays

Destroy all mayonnaise

I could watch them eat green Jell-O

And triple western bacon schlock

But when it comes to mayonnaise

I’d rather vote for that Barack

Avocados are expensive

But at least they taste delish

There shall be but three condiments

Ketchup, mustard, and relish

In Brooklyn we got a subway

To shorten our daily schleppin’

This one made my nephew Jared skinny

But now he guzzles that white weapon

Destroy all mayonnaise

Destroy all mayonnaise

Rinse it out with Cel-Rays

Destroy all mayonnaise

They got all the US Presidents

We got every Nobel Prize

When they schtup, they call it mayonnaise

We need to cut them down to size

Fetch me Dr. Brown’s Cream Soda

And my son the doctor too

He just bought a DeLorean

Oh, good, the car’s not German, phew

Take me to the early 60s

When Allan Sherman topped the charts

Take me to the kosher delis

That now are schmate minimarts

Destroy all mayonnaise

Destroy all mayonnaise

Rinse it out with Cel-Rays

Destroy all mayonnaise

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